paper goods

how to cultivate a guest list & the world’s smallest post service

i just love these tiny little save the dates from leaf cutter designs!

however, while the whole button thing is unique and crafty, it is a tad impractical. you can’t exactly cultivate a guest list of buttons, now can you? and more than likely, all of your guests are not singles living in separate households, which makes the red/blue button method a bit too simplistic for your response needs.

there are a myriad of ways to determine your guest list, but some are certainly better than others. following are a few points to consider as you embark on the harrowing journey of choosing whom you would like to include in the celebration of your big day:

{} the ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’, ‘D’ list methodthis is where you would slice up your invitees into groups ranked in importance; i.e., the ‘A’ list is your closest family and friends {mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, bridal party}, the ‘B’ list is your close family and friends {cousins, non-bridal party besties, etc.}, and so on. the theory with this is you automatically invite the ‘A’ and ‘B’ lists {and the ‘C’ list depending on your budget} and draw from the ‘D’ list as people from the first lists respond that they cannot come to your wedding.

    proyou can keep a better handle on your budget, you can be truly honest with yourself about who you want at your wedding, and it really opens up communication between you and your spouse-to-be about how you are slicing up your guest list.

    con: living in this social media-laden world as we do, this method doesn’t exactly work. imagine this: your friend from college {a ‘d’ lister since you have kept up with each other’s lives very minimally, but you did go to her wedding and you invited mutual friends so you wouldn’t mind seeing her at yours – phew, the reasoning!} sees that your mutual friend {a ‘b’ lister – you guys were, and still are, best friends from college!} put up a picture of your save the date/invite on facebook. said ‘d’ lister thinks to herself, ‘what a gorgeous invitation! too bad i’m not invited. oh well.’ a month or so passes, you’ve heard back from a few people that they won’t be able to attend, so you move on to your ‘d’ list. said friend receives a belated invitation, realizes that she is a “second-choice” attendee, and rsvp’s an emphatic no, thank you and you wonder if you did something wrong when she harbors a grudge {albeit a petty one} against you.

     verdict: i wouldn’t recommend this method unless you use it cautiously. that is, perhaps group your potential invitees using the a/b/c/d lists, but go about eliminating individuals from the first few lists in advance of sending out any official paper goods. you can do this by calling up your uncle {a ‘b’ lister, in this case}, who you know has a kid graduating from high school. your wedding happens to be on a saturday in june {the only available date at your absolute must-have venue!} – the very same saturday that your cousin is graduating from high school, and at nearly the exact same time. since you called your uncle to ask in advance, you just had two spots open up – his and your aunt’s –  so you can slide some ‘c’ or ‘d’ people on over and not hurt any feelings in the process! congrats. 

{} ask yourself a few questions: 

has the prospective invitee met your fiance? if you live an unreasonable distance away or if you had a short dating period prior to your engagement, this may not be a good measure. if you have a friend who lives in your town  has never met your fiance, however, that could be a determining factor.

— when was the last time you spoke to them? if you lost touch with your freshman college roommate {sad – i’m sorry}, don’t feel obligated to invite her to your wedding. your wedding should not be a reunion: it is a time for you and your loved ones to celebrate your life as a couple, not a time to rehash old inside jokes with people you haven’t spoken to since your last college/high school reunion.

would you be offended if you weren’t invited to their wedding? now, if you’re overly sensitive {and hopefully you can self-identify;)}, this doesn’t necessarily apply to you. for most of us, though, this is a good question to ask yourself when deciding whether or not you should invite someone to your wedding. 

— do they really need to be invited with a guest? while it is generally courteous to include a plus-1 for all invitees to a destination wedding {who wants to sit in a hotel room all by their lonesome?}, if that’s not you {or if you are inviting a large group of mutual friends who would stay in a hotel together and know plenty of people at the wedding}, consider not including a plus-1 for your little sister who is constantly on/off with a multitude of sketchy characters. not only are weddings a great place for singles to mix with other singles and potentially get together themselves {has anyone seen the five-year engagement? love that movie!}, but it will free up a seat for one of your friends and likely keep your event more drama-free.

will they be a part of your lives forever? when deciding between cutting a relative or a friend, it usually makes more sense to cut the friend from the list rather than the relative who will forever be curt with you at family gatherings.

to read more advice & points to consider, the knot has an excellent article all about the subject that you can read here.

enjoy!

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